HA! NEARLY FELL! *plop*

Ok, so, ******purple asterisk****** what on earth was going on with said bathroom? was there an undiscovered mole running rapid through our house that we had to dig out? Did my dad flush his keys down the drain? Was there an octopus in our pipes? Alas, a much scarier fate was promised, RE-MODELING!!!! (the horror! the horror!) even though we're finished now, the reaking terror is still gripping me. First, we were taking out the linoleum (SO 1999), when we discovered some more linoleum under it. However, my dad was unfazed, because it is a common bathroom re-modeling custom to just put one layer of linoleum over another layer. Plus, when we re-modled this bathroom in 1999 we did that (I thought it looked familiar). But, because the new floors that we envisioned to put on top of these were quite thick, so we would have to take out both for it to fit under the door frame. So as I huddled in my room with two blankets over my mouth for fearful paranoid protection, my dad chipped away at the gritty dusty masses. HUGE-O PROBLEM #1: the boards underneath were molded, meaning that he would have to take out all those boards, then measure and replace them. Then THEY came. HUGE-O PROBLEM #2: moldy green linoleum from the 60's, put down by somebody who didn't know how to install a toilet correctly. My dad simply stared at them in horror. Then quietly, we all made a vow never to speak of them to any potential buyers of our house, covered them up with plywood, then washed our hands with holy water and bleach until every skin cell that could have possibly come in contact with that stuff was immediately fried. But we moved on (preferably to a new house with a finished, hotel quality bathroom, but no). After the boards were nailed down, and spakled, I believe that the next step we took was to put down our new floors, after double checking that it was the right size, my father set out to glue that puppy down (figure of speech, I wish I really had a puppy).HUGE-O PROBLEM #3: As he stared laying down the glue, he realized that he was running out halfway through. (editors note: generally, to lay down a floor, you get a tub-o-glue, then use a trowel to spread it over the floor) My dad checked the servings size to see if we should have had enough. Apparently, we had enough for 4-5 of our bathrooms, not .5 of said room of baths. So, my dad just managed to spread the whole tub over our floor, leading to HUGE-O PROBLEM #4: can you say, "gooshing bumpily madness"? but with no way to just uproot the whole floor and scrape the extra off, we decided on slightly textured floors, and really secure baseboards. Again, we moved on, onto putting the toilet in it's place. I wouldn't say this was a huge-o problem, but it was a pretty big annoyance. Apparently, the only thing keeping the toilet from falling over, ruining the bathtub and your pants, is two screws not even screwed in, but just interlocked like one of those door locks. Also, there is a small doughnut like thing that's either made out of wax or hard plastic, and it's the only thing keeping the toilets leftovers between it and the pipes together (which the original green linoleum people obviously forgot). However, putting these four pieces to connect to the floor in the correct way is a very annoying challenge in itself. Then the sink... HUGE-O PROBLEM #5 &6: because the new sink apparatus is much smaller than the old one, there were two plumbing problems. My dad isn't a plumber. He says so himself. This is because plumbing is a profession that is riddled with useless annoyances, unforeseen problems, and that is impossible unless you have the magical ability that comes with plumbing school and a huge paycheck ( there's a secret switch in the pipes somewhere, I just know it...) However, these problems came because other people are idiots. First off, there was a random pipe that just needed to stretch a foot outside of the wall, instead of inside that we needed to change; and the sink came broken, so we needed to tie up those loose ends. There were (and are) a few more problems, but I'm sure you guys don't want to hear any more in this post. So, I bit you all goodnight!